And it just keeps getting better.....

Seriously.  I just want Frans to go away.  I checked into my next hotel, fired up my computer to do a little work, and then decided to follow up on a few messages on match.com.  And guess who's freaking face I see when I log in?!  Yes.  That's right.  It's like he's haunting me.  So much for his "I want time to spend with the boys" and "I just can't give anything to a relationship" spiel.  It was all about him just not wanting to be with me.  And that part I'm actually ok with.  It's the blowing smoke up my ass part that I'm not.

So. Over. It.  (for real, this time.)

2 Days, 2 Dates

DAY ONE

I flew home on Saturday evening and immediately went to Matt's El Rancho to meet up with DR. (I'm going to resort to using initials for lack of a better nickname.)  I was tired and not in the best of moods, and all I really cared about was a margarita.  I found him at a table on the patio and he immediately jumped up to say hi and pull out my chair for me.  I'm going to try to avoid making too many comparisons to Frans (because really I'm just trying to forget about all that) but I was reminded how much I missed having someone do that for me.  Frans rarely did that and it always bothered me a little.

DR was perfectly nice, if not a little over-excited to be there.  Conversation was fine and I guess it was beneficial to give my old dating skills a run through.  Nothing really important to note about the actual date- just your average dinner conversation.  He walked me to my car afterwards, gave me a hug and a little peck on the lips and that was it.  Can't say I was super attracted to him- but it was fun.  I have a bad feeling about it though.  I can tell he's the type that is going to be calling a lot wanting to get together.  I've already had one too many texts and another date offer for Friday night.  I need to find a way to let him know that I'm not ready to jump into anything too fast.  Besides, with only a few free nights here and there-  I don't want to spend them all on one person.  As my sister said- I need to focus on quality, not quantity.

DAY TWO

Sunday was nuts.  I had literally 12-ish hours to do a ton of stuff and the day just went too quickly.  I was out running errands when I got an email from Diver (who will now be called JD- mainly because it's cuter- and he's really cute!)  He was just asking if I made it home ok, how my weekend was going and if we were still on for lunch.  Shit.  I knew that Monday was going to be crazy as I only had a half-day in the office to get stuff done before leaving town again, and that there was no way I was going to be able to make lunch happen.  I emailed back how sorry I was and then did something that I typically would not recommend doing.  I said that I had a few more errands to run, but if he was up for grabbing a drink afterwards, I could meet him somewhere.  He said sure, and I picked Doc's on South Congress.  As in- the street right behind where Frans lives.  It's one of my favorite areas in Austin though and I'm not going to let his presence ruin it.  I didn't think much about it as it was after 8 when I met him and didn't think Frans would be out with the kids.  So I show up, JD is already at a table, and he is just precious.  Great smile, really pretty blue eyes and a shaved head (which I totally have a thing for.)

He was so easy to talk to and I was really enjoying just hanging out with him in a very casual setting.  We were sitting at a picnic table and I was looking out at the street, when what do I see walking down the hill towards us?  Frans with his two boys.  AND his freaking ex-wife.  I swear the color had to have drained from my face because JD was like "uh, are you ok?"  I had to catch my breath for a second and count to 3 before I had a major freak-out.  I really just didn't know what to think about it.  They were walking apart with the boys in between them, and there was nothing about their body language that made me think they were "together".  But still.  I know that they occasionally do things with the boys- and he had just gotten back in town from his 3 week trip- so there are many explanations for why they were together.  I would hope that it was because the paperwork had finally been taken care of and they were having "the talk" with the boys.  But I just don't know, and it made me sick to my stomach to see them together.  Seriously, of all times and places- that would happen to me!  I don't know if he saw me or not, and I guess it doesn't really matter if he did.  I just could have done without that little curveball.

I recovered, but decided to come clean to JD about having recently gotten out of a relationship.  Again- not a topic I would ever say to talk about on a first date!!!  He was totally cool about it though, and then got up and came to sit on my side of the picnic table so that when they came back by, I wouldn't have to see them. We stayed until the bar kicked us out (it really wasn't that late) and then he gave me a ride to my car.  He was a total gentleman and I think he is someone that I would have a good time hanging out with, regardless of it turning into anything serious.  He sent me a text just as I got home saying thanks for meeting him on such a tight schedule, and what a great date he thought it was.  Very sweet!  I got another text today saying he hopes to see me again soon.  Hopefully we can make something work this coming weekend.

So there you have it- my foray back into the dating world.  I'm bound and determined to put Frans behind me, but also learned very quickly this weekend that I have a lot of healing to do.  It felt weird being with other people, and I wasn't terribly interested in kissing anybody (which is very unlike me).  I know that it's just going to take some time.  But I already gave a lot of my time to Frans and I don't think he deserves any more. There are still a few more options waiting in the wings- but family, friends, volunteering and training still need to take precedence over anything else right now.  I'm just ready for September to be over so that hopefully my life can return slightly to normal.

On to the next one....

This is my new anthem song.  I just added it to my running playlist and it certainly gets me motivated!!!  It also serves as the kick-off song for my reintroduction into the dating world.  Which begins tomorrow.  Yikes!   You might remember this post about the guy who approached me on the treadmill.  Well......a few quiet nights in a hotel room and I decided to activate my profile on match again.  I changed a few pictures, made a couple of edits, and off it went for approval.  (Just a funny side note, but E, who I wrote about in my last post, was the one who wrote the About Me section of my profile.  I can't tell you how many compliments I get on it.)

So- while browsing my options (or lack there-of) I came across the profile of the guy who hit on me.  I figured I had to start somewhere.  I knew he wasn't totally unfortunate looking, and he was actually pretty nice when I talked to him.  I sent a little "remember me from the gym" message and heard back from him shortly after.  Two email exchanges and he asked if he could call.  And then he asked when I was getting back to town and if he could take me out for dinner.  Wow.  That was a little too easy.  So tomorrow night I'm meeting him for dinner at one of my favorite Mexican food restaurants.  I haven't yet decided what his nickname should be.  There has already been a Gym John, so I need to find another reference for him.

Then there's door #2.  I'll call him Diver, because he used to dive for the Navy.  He recently moved to Austin and is going back to school (but already has a degree- that's important).  He's also 5 years my junior.  Not sure that either of those are really deal breakers, but they aren't earning him any extra points either.  Plus, he says lol a lot in his emails, and that drives me nuts.  Regardless, we're meeting for lunch on Monday before I leave town again.  He's the best looking of all the options, and he's taller than the rest (6'2) so I'm at least excited about that.  I'm not looking for Mr. Perfect right now, but I think this guy would just be someone fun to hang out with when I feel like it.

There is also door #3 and door #4, but I'll wait to see what pans out before I include more details.  I have no idea how I'm going to fit all this in over the next few weeks.  I don't mind a few emails back and forth, but I feel very strongly that after a few exchanges, it should move to at least a phone conversation. And if a guy doesn't suggest getting together within a week, too bad so sad for him.  I'm not looking for pen pals.  I enjoy the art of conversation too much to play that game.  I'm excited about getting out there again, but trying to balance all the feelings I have right now.  Whatever happens, I'm sure it's going to be an interesting ride.  On to the next one.....

**Sorry about some of the lyrics, but I could not find a clean version of the video to share."

The one who got away

Once upon a time, many, many years ago- I first entered the world of internet dating.  I don't even remember half of the dates I went on, it was so long ago.  But I did meet someone very special, and it's hard to believe that we have "known" each other for five years now.

Maybe I should back-up a little.  Five years ago, a friend and I talked about taking a trip to Santa Barbara.  So being the resourceful person I am, I punched in a zip code on match.com and started browsing the available single guys there.  One cute blonde stood out above the rest, and I may have winked, I may have sent a message, I really don't remember.  All I know is that we started corresponding.  We emailed and instant messaged back and forth for months, and even talked on the phone a few times.  He was dating, I was dating, and we each served as a sounding board for all of the issues that come with it.  But there was certainly a connection that developed, even though we had not met in person.  At one point, I know he was willing to come to Austin to visit and meet me.  And then I met Dennis the Menace (damn that red headed bastard).  I ended up dating Dennis for about 8 months (such a waste), and that put a freeze on any trips that "E" was planning on making to Austin.

Fast forward through those next few years and we continued to stay in touch.  He always knew about the guys that I was dating and would offer advice any time I needed it, and vice versa.  And then he decided to settle down.  He had dated this girl previously and I knew all about her.  I am happy to say that I got to hear about their relationship as it developed the second time around, and I enjoyed being privy to many of the details.  All the sweet, thoughtful gifts he got for her, when they decided to move in together, all the way to when he was ready to propose.  They recently had a baby, and I couldn't be happier for the two of them.

And still....we have never met in person.  But he was there for me today when I signed in to chat and catch up with him a bit.  He knew about the break-up, but we hadn't really had a chance to talk about it.  As always, he had his clever "guy" perspective to offer and yet ended up just as confused as I am as to what exactly happened with Frans.  But he always knows the right things to say, and I felt good about everything by the end of our conversation.

There are certainly times when I wonder "what if", though I respect both of them enough that I would never do anything to compromise their marriage.  His wife knows about me and is very tolerant of what could be misconstrued as an odd relationship.   But I think (hope) he knows how important his friendship is to me and how much I appreciate the role he has played in my life. Things always work out just as they should, and his role in my life is perfect.  Thank you, E.

Home away from home

I did what I said I would do this morning, and I am just now sitting down to my healthy dinner in my fabulous hotel suite. Because I am here for 3 nights, I picked the long stay option with a kitchen. For whatever reason, they gave me a suite with two bedrooms. Got to love platinum status. Maybe I'll sleep in a different one each night.

I stopped at the grocery store on my way here (weird that El Paso doesn't have HEB), had a great work-out, and then whipped together a little meal of fish, broccoli and sweet potato. This is almost more indulgent than I ever get to do when I'm actually at home. There's even a little pot of (fake) flowers! I'm feeling better already.






- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Very small set back

I don't want anyone thinking that I'm some break-up superstar. This past week hasn't been easy. I've been confused, sad, angry and just totally blown away by the events of last week. But i've been through break ups before and am just making a conscious decision to not let this one ruin me.

I had a couple of dreams about Frans last night. I don't remember exactly what they were about- I just know that I woke up feeling sad. And then a friend and I were emailing back and forth, and she asked if he had texted me the day of my triathlon. I had kind-of expected that he would. But he didn't. I have not heard a word from him since we said goodbye last Wednesday. And that makes me sad too. I'll admit, there were just a couple of tears his morning.

I will show up to work today and do a kick ass job. I will go to my next hotel, work out, and try to eat a healthy dinner (I haven't been doing a good job of that lately and I need to.) And I will remind myself that life still goes on, that I get to see friends this weekend and that everything is ok.


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Another week of travel

I wish I could say that the end is in sight.....but I would be lying. I'm pretty much gone until the last week of September, and I'm kind of hoping this next month goes by fast. At least this week I got to fly, and I'll mostly be staying put in one location. I'm in Las Cruces, NM tonight, and then El Paso through Saturday. I'll get 2 nights at home, and then it starts all over again!!

I'm plotting what my next steps will be, and I think I am just about ready to put myself out there in the dating world again. If anyone has ideas or suggestions of what form that should take, I am all ears. Especially if any of my readers happen to know any nice, single (as in not going through a divorce), handsome men. I know that whatever I do, I need to date casually and not jump into another relationship.

It's hard to believe that tomorrow will mark one week since the break-up. In a way, it almost feels like these past 10 months never happened. And last week was seriously the weirdest break-up I have ever gone through. Maybe I'm still in shock over exactly how it all happened. Or maybe I should just give myself a little credit for being healthy enough to recognize a situation for what it is and move on. Regardless, I'm moving on and ready for whatever comes my way!!

Sweet and Twisted

Yay for me!! I accomplished two things this weekend and I have to say I feel very proud.

First, I stuck to my guns about my 3 day "breakover". There actually has been very little crying at all. After seeing some not-so-flattering personality traits from Frans, I just decided to accept that I'm better off without him and move right along. I celebrated by putting my best little black dress on and met some girlfriends for a bachelorette party. Too bad I couldn't stay out for all that long, but I put myself in the car, walked alone into a bar, survived, and even had fun.

I couldn't stay out long because I had to wake up this morning at 4:45 to get ready for my first official triathlon in 3 years. It was awesome!! They should have called it Sick and Twisted though, because the run course was, shall I say, difficult. It wasn't long, but there were hills and varying terrain of soft sand and slippery gravel. I was really happy with my times (with the exception of the run) and feel like I have a good idea of what I need to work on before the next one in just two short weeks. I'll be traveling a good part of those weeks, so I definitely have my work cut out for me!!

I have to say though- the best part of today had nothing to do with me. The race benefitted Capital of Texas Team Survivor, and I got to watch my friend, fellow cookbook clubber, and Survivor extraodinaire, cross the finish line. She has battled breast cancer not once, but twice, and has schooled everybody in what it means to survive. She truly is an inspiration.



- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

The Nicest Thing

On Monday I was driving through the piney woods of East Texas, feeling totally distraught over what was happening with Frans.  I was on a narrow, windy road, it was a little bit stormy, and this song came on my Pandora playlist.  I cried.  I felt so sad and helpless and all I could do was cry.  The lyrics so perfectly described how I was feeling and upset me so much because I was faced with the reality that I meant none of the things to him that she talks about in the song.  One line in particular stood out- "I wish I was the last thing on your mind before you went to sleep."  That one hit home the hardest, because I knew, even a thousand miles away, that he wasn't feeling like that about me.

Funny how a few days, and a little clarity, can change your point of view.  I do want to be someone's favorite girl, to have their favorite kind-of smile, and someone to hold my hand when I'm upset.  But I can't make someone feel that way about me, and I'm not going to make myself look like a fool doing so.

I just listened to that song about 6 different times (really because I just love her voice and secretly wish I had a British accent) and I didn't cry once.  I think that's a good step!  I shed a few tears earlier today, particularly when I sat down at my desk only to be faced with my favorite picture of Frans sitting in the bluebonnets with his two boys.  I promptly took it down and set it in the trash.  His text messages, semi-naked pictures (and the fully-clothed ones) on my phone....all in the "trash" too.  One step at a time, and I know I will be feeling 100% very soon.

This is quite possibly the best break-up song ever.

The Breakover

That is the term I'm using for what will hopefully be the shortest "getting over a break-up" period ever.  I spoke with one of my best friends last night and told her that I was giving myself three days.  After Saturday night- there will be no more crying.  She said it's ok if I do a little after that, but definitely no more than a week.  I've teared up a few times today, but I'm surviving.

Last night was actually the best night's sleep I've had in these past 5 days.  There was nothing for me to worry about.  What's done is done and I'm just not going to lose any more sleep over it.  There is still a lot that I don't understand about what happened this past week.  I will probably never understand it all, and I don't know that it would really help even if I did.  The bottom line is this- Frans could not give me what he knew I wanted- which is eventually a committed (as in the marriage kind) relationship.  His exact words were "I'm giving you the most I can ever give you, and I know it's eventually not going to be enough."  I knew from day one that this could very easily happen given how quickly he jumped into a relationship.  I took that risk, so I can't entirely blame him.  It's sad that it took nine months to figure out, but I wouldn't trade that time for anything.  I have a lot of great memories from the time we spent together.

If this had happened a year ago, I think I would be a total wreck right now.  But the one thing I have learned the most from this relationship is how to maintain my own life while spending it with someone else.  I don't feel like my whole world has been ripped out from under me because Frans was not my whole world.  My friends are still here, I have my regular volunteer shift this weekend, a triathlon to kick some butt in.....my life will go on exactly as before.  Sure- I'm going to miss his companionship.  And I'm certainly going to miss the great sex life!  But I know there is someone out there who will appreciate what I have to offer.

 I don't really feel up to putting myself out there just yet.  Work will keep me on the road for the next few weeks, and that's probably a good thing.  I need a little time to heal, and I know it wouldn't be fair to someone else to go out with them just to help me move on.  I do look forward to dating though and whatever adventures might come my way!  For those of you who may have become bored by some of my mundane blog stories....just stick around.  I'm sure there will be good ones to come!

And another chapter closes...

It has been an interesting few days to say the least. The short story is that Frans and I broke up. I plan to write about it, but 1) I'm literally in the middle of bfe trying to get home and trying not to cry, and 2) I just need a little bit of time for it to sink in.

I am ok though. I have made it through many a break-up and always seem to come out stronger and wiser. This one will certainly be no different. It hurts, and I'm sad, but have to believe it is for the best!!

Stay tuned.


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Soundtrack for my moodiness

Because nothing makes me feel better than sad, melancholy music.....  I'm trying to get some work done and I realized that I was playing quite possibly my most downer playlist in iTunes.  This song in particular seems to sum up how I'm feeling right now.  Sure, the song is in French and I actually have no idea what she's saying, but the sound of it is just perfect.



Go ahead and add a little David Gray, Swell Season, Elliot Smith and a sprinkle of Damien Rice, and you have an official playlist for my pity party of 1.

No relationship is ever perfect....

**Disclaimer- there is some serious PMSing going on with me right now, so anything that I say below will most likely come across as whiny, pathetic, or down-right crazy behavior.  But I need to vent a little, and this is my blog, so I'll do as I want.  You have been warned.**

I know I often paint a pretty picture of my relationship with Frans.  The truth is, about 98% of the time, it really is a nice picture.  But there are definitely times when one of us does something to upset the other.  We always seem to work it out though.  Well, he upset me, and then I upset him, and then he upset me again and I'm just feeling really down about it.  I know (at least I hope I know) that things will right themselves.  They always do.  But this time just feels a little different, and it doesn't help that he is so far away and that I won't get to see him for 2 more weeks.  I need that big hug of his to make me feel better, and I'm struggling without it.

You all know that Frans is gone for 3 weeks.  He's spending about 2 of them in Colorado "working", and the last one in Oklahoma (where I think he actually will be doing work, because what fun stuff is there to do in OK?)  I do use the term working loosely though because it seems like all he has done is run or bike in the mountains.  That's exactly what he needs though and I'm happy that he's getting a chance to have some guy time- he deserves it.  But I'll admit- I am extremely jealous.  I'm busting my ass on the road, putting in long days and putting out a lot of fires.  It's our busy season and that's just the way it goes.  I've just never had to deal with having a boyfriend who gets to play during that time.  I'm bitter.  Shoot me.

The problem is that I feel like he hasn't been paying enough attention to me.  He's always so good about staying in touch with sweet texts and/or phone calls.  But the past few days there has just been very little communication from his end.  I know that there were events that he worked over the weekend, and the sane/reasonable part of my brain should accept that as the excuse for not staying in touch.  But the PMS freak show took over and I made a complete fool out of myself.  I preach and preach and preach about how you should never call/text a guy when previous messages haven't been answered or returned.  There is just never a good reason for doing that.  I wish I had followed my own advice, but I didn't.  He needed time to cool off, and I just couldn't accept that.  So I pestered him relentlessly.  Crazy took over, and the damage was done.

We finally got to talk this morning, and I just told him that his actions (both before and after my crazy behavior) really hurt me.  I needed to talk to him, and he intentionally ignored me.  I knew he was ignoring me, and that just seemed to add fuel to the fire.  He felt bad, apologized, but most importantly- acknowledged how good I have been to him (prior to freak show crazy episode) and that I don't deserve for him to make me feel that way.  But again, I am a very physical person, and there was just something about trying to fix things over the phone that didn't jive well with me.  I'm just going to try my best to keep crazy at arm's length and push through the rest of this week.  I don't need this kind-of crap distracting me from the work I need to do.

I'll admit though- it was very scary to even entertain the thought that I had pushed him so hard that he might not come back.  I know that I am a strong, independent person (even though I'm not feeling that way right now) and if things went south with us, that I would survive it.  But I absolutely love having him in my life and just didn't like that thought sticking around for even a few seconds.  I know that what I need to do right now is continue to give him a little space, but what I need the most is just some reassurance that we're ok.  This is the yucky dating stuff that I just hate having to deal with!

Draft Day

Ahhhhh....football season!! I love it. College football, NFL, but most importantly- Fantasy Football!! I felt like a little kid waking up on Christmas this morning, as today is the long awaited draft day for the Gingerman Gridiron Gang. This will be my fourth year in the league, and I currently have in my possession the Horse's Ass trophy because I came in last place last year. Sad. Very, very sad. Things can only go up from there for my team , Deine Mutter. (That's "your mom" in German- long story.)

I typically put in about a week's worth of research, creating spreadsheets, rethinking strategies and even doing a mock draft or two. But somehow the draft snuck up on me, and I am totally not prepared. I bought one pitiful Fantasy magazine and skimmed through it this morning. So this year, my strategy is NO strategy. I'll let you know how it works out for me.

Today also marks the beginning of another exciting week on the road. I thought I would be hard pressed to beat last week's exotic line-up of remote locations, but this week is pulling out the big guns. Jasper, Normangee and Teague are the lovely cities I'll be visiting. You might be saying to yourself "Jasper....why does that sound so familiar?" Well, that is where a black man by the name of James Byrd was dragged to death behind a truck driven by 3 white men. In 1998. Way to make us proud, East Texas.

Other than that, nothing else too exciting. It's week two away from Frans, and I'm hoping it goes by quickly. I'm doing a triathlon next Sunday and am excited, but wishing he was here to cheer me on. It's always a little lonely when you do one of those without any kind-of support team. He'll be there for the big one on Labor Day though, so at least there's that.

Hope everyone has a great Sunday!


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

I met the boys- Update

I guess I should come up with nicknames for the boys since I'll be seeing a lot more of them in the near future.  (Well, at least when Frans and I return to town at the end of the month from our respective work travel.)  I'll call the older one Thing 1, and the younger one Thing 2.  I love them already, so don't take their monikers the wrong way.

Frans and I have discussed me meeting the boys many, many times.  And in pretty much every discussion, it was brought up how best to inform their mother about me.  I agreed that she needed/deserved to know when I would be introduced to them.  Well, she was entertaining friends this past weekend and Frans did not want to interrupt it.  Like I said, the little introduction was more spur of the moment than anything.  Nonetheless, I was concerned what would happen when she found out.  Fran's call though, and I trust him.  I should have known though that Thing 1 would for sure out us- and he did just that.  Yesterday morning when Frans was dropping them off at daycare, completely out of the blue, Thing 1 said "we saw A (my first initial) two times yesterday".  That kid doesn't miss a thing.  And I guess it continued when their mom picked them up after school.  According to Frans, all that was talked about last night was "dad's fun friend A".  Mom was not amused.  I, however, am.  Just glad that he liked me enough to continue talking about me. :)

Frans had to drop by her house today to deliver some things before leaving town, and she casually asked him if he thought they should discuss who they are dating with each other.  He knew where that conversation was going.  Turns out she didn't get mad, but she chastised him for dating while they are still officially  married.  Seriously- she has got some nerve. (Need I remind anyone that she is the one who had a two year affair?)  He responded back with how he is not going to put his life on hold anymore because of her issues.  She has had a year to sign the paperwork, yet continues to drag it out and he's tired of it.  She asked some questions about me and that was about it.  I'm sure after it sinks in a little, the crazy texting will begin.  I just feel so relieved to finally have it out in the open.  Hopefully she will realize that it really is over and can find a way to move on and make better decisions.

Life on the road isn't all that bad

While driving to San Angelo today, I stopped in Brady to visit one of my best friends at her family ranch. This place is beautiful beyond belief. The main house consists of a reconstructed Amish barn that serves as the living room on one end, and an old Cotton Gin serves as two bedrooms and flanks the opposite end of the house. All the rest in between is new, and just gorgeous.

We've had many fun weekends hanging out there- cooking, eating, horseback riding, poker playing and even a little hunting. I haven't been out there in over a year though, so it was fun to get to make a little pit stop there this afternoon. I also happened to get some fabulous pictures using the Hipstamatic app on my iPhone.












- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

I met the boys!

Fran's boys, that is (in case that needed clarification). It was not necessarily a pre-mediated, well thought out plan. It just sort-of happened. You all know that I have had very strong feelings about not meeting them until the divorce was 100% final. Well, I never thought that after 9 months of dating, he'd still be married! In some ways, it has really been nice just getting to know him and slowly build our relationship without that added feature. But I also know that it's not completely real not having them involved. I've never dated a guy with kids before, so this is brand new territory for me (for both of us, actually).

In anticipation of being gone for 3 weeks, he has had the boys since last Wed. When he has the boys, that means that I don't get to see him. This makes me a bitter, sad, and sometimes angry person. Not because the boys get to see him and I don't, but because I don't get to be involved in the fun things they do. I may or may not have whined about this a little more than normal recently. Frans has said on multiple occasions that he is fine with telling his ex about me and introducing me to the boys. I am the one who has put my foot down and said no way. I guess I'm just tired of missing out! We have had many discussions about what we think is the best way to go about slowly integrating me into their lives, so we had a pretty good idea of how we wanted the first few meetings to go.

So this morning, I had planned on going on my Sunday morning group ride sponsored by a local bike shop. As part of Fran's new job, he gets to attend group functions and educate athletes on sports nutrition. He is good friends with the owner of this bike shop and has been wanting to show up for weeks to do this. It seemed a perfect opportunity for me to be introduced as dad's friend without it being some awkward, all attention on me, meeting. Both boys were dressed in their matching company shirts that Frans made for them (they really, really love their dad) and the older one was giving suggestions as to which products he thought tasted the best. It was adorable. Frans introduced me and I got to chat with them for a little bit. There were lots of people around, there was no weird pressure to have a long, drawn out conversation. It was just a casual meet and greet, and it was perfect. I went on my ride with a smile on my face (at least until I had to ride a few nasty hills), but I was feeling great.

After the ride, I sent Frans a message just to say hi. He said they were headed to the pool and that I was welcome to join him. I figured, why the heck not?! When I got there, he said to the boys "You guys remember my friend (insert my name here) from the bike ride?" They both said hi and we headed down to the water. The youngest (2.5 yo) is absolutely adorable and I know that I will have no problem connecting with him. It's the older one (7.5 yo) that I have been most worried about. He can be difficult, and he also has some gross motor skill delays that require a little extra patience when dealing with him. Frans has been real honest in telling me all about him, but I think with my elementary education background and all the different types of kids I have had to accommodate, that all will be fine. I spent most of the time playing and talking with him. It was awesome. I only stayed for about 45 minutes, but I thought it went well, and I'm looking forward to getting to spend more time with them.

I'm not expecting to form close bonds with them overnight. In fact, it will most likely be months before they know that I am their dad's girlfriend. I'm totally ok with that. I'm just glad that we're finally taking another step forward in our relationship.

Road Warrior

Today marks what I consider to be the official kick-off to my fall travel season. I've had some trips here and there, but for the rest of this month, I'll be gone a good majority of each week. Usually I get to fly to most places (love racking up those Southwest credits!) unfortunately though, most of our new accounts are in places where I don't really have the choice but to drive. San Angelo, Bryan and Buffalo (TX) to name a few. Of course, I can't neglect the good 'ole Valley and El Paso. I'll be spending ample time there as well.

The good news is that Frans leaves on Tuesday until the end of the month also. I've been feeling a little bummed about it, but at least I won't be home all that much while he is gone. We haven't had to do a lengthy time apart in awhile, but I know it will go by fast. His birthday is in early September, so I planned a mini getaway to a nice resort in the hill country. Having something like that to look forward to always makes it easier!

I'm sure I'll have plenty of downtime for blogging while I'm gone, but I just can't promise that the posts will be all that exciting. Maybe I'll have to do a "boyfriends from high school" edition. There's plenty of good stories where that came from, for sure!

848

That is (give or take a few) how many calories I burned doing a practice sprint-distance triathlon this morning. I mentioned awhile back about how I needed a new fitness goal- something to give me a little inspiration. A girlfriend happened to post on Facebook about wanting to do an upcoming tri in Austin, and I decided it was as good a time as any to jump back on the bandwagon. I did several triathlons a few years back, but stopped when my travel schedule made it too difficult to train as much as I needed to.

Luckily I'm in a relationship that allows me the time (and understanding) to get in at least the minimum amount of work needed in order to feel comfortable finishing one of these things. I've enjoyed getting back out on my bike, and the cool water swims at Deep Eddy have made the hot weather a little more bearable. As strange as it sounds, this morning was also a lot of fun. I didn't mind at all waking up early and sweating my arse off for about two hours. I was proud when I finished and even though I've been tired most of the day, it left me with a little bit of a high.

I was hesitant at first to get back into triathlons, mainly because that seems to be Fran's gig and I really didn't want people to think I was doing it because of him. Lord knows that some of my family members are not his biggest fan, and I just didn't want to feed anymore fuel to the fire. I did it for myself. I wanted a challenge, it makes me feel good about myself when I do it, and it has provided an outlet to relieve some of the stress in my life. These next few weeks are going to be difficult, not just with my crazy travel schedule, but with Frans being gone as well. I hope that I can continue to get some decent training in while I'm on the road, if anything to just maintain my sanity. There's a tri I'm hoping to do on August 23, and then a really big one I'm planning on doing on Labor Day. I can't wait!!!

So what about those 848 calories? I hate the heck out of some delicious Whole Foods chicken salad and scarfed down a yummy cupcake, without feeling the least bit guilty. It also hopefully made up for the slices of Home Slice pizza I ate the night before. That #6 will be the death of me one of these days!!!

Honey Wheat Walnut Bread

I actually had some downtime last night- it was so nice!   Frans has the boys through Monday so I'm getting to take advantage of a little "me" time.  I left work later than planned, and totally exhausted,  and decided that I just didn't feel like going to work out.  Instead, I planted my behind on the couch, snuggled with my cat and caught up on some shows that had been collecting dust on my DVR.  I can only sit still for so long though, and about an hour or so into it, I started to get a little fidgety.  I also had a major craving for bread.  Problem was, I didn't have any bread.  What I did have was some white whole wheat flour and a yeast packet.  Problem solved.  I followed the super easy recipe on the back of the flour bag (with the minor addition of some local honey).  Unfortunately, it took too long to rise, so I left it overnight and baked it first thing this morning while I went on my run.  When I returned to my apartment, it smelled like heaven.

Honey Whole Wheat Bread


2 tsp instant yeast (I used Active Dry because that's what I had)
1 1/3 cup lukewarm water
1 T vegetable oil
2 T brown sugar
2 T honey (adjust depending on how sweet you want it)
3 cups white whole wheat flour
1 1/4 tsp salt
3/4 cup chopped walnuts

Mix all ingredients in a large bowl. Knead dough until it's smooth. (I never quite achieved "smooth", but it still came out ok.)  Cover with wrap and let rise for 1-2 hours.

Lightly grease an 81/2 by 41/2 loaf pan and place dough inside.  Cover loosely and allow to rise for another hour or so.  (This is how I left it overnight.  It really didn't rise much.)

Bake in a preheated oven at 350 degrees for 35-40 minutes.  Turn out to cool on rack when done.

This would be great with a little jam and butter.  Too bad I didn't have any!

Nudie Magazine Day!

OK- so not really, but that's exactly how I felt when my newest cookbook was delivered to the office this morning!  (I think I've watched Billy Madison one too many times!)  I haven't been buying many of the cookbooks we've chosen for our cookbook club lately because I just really haven't had the chance to cook much.  There was no way that I could pass this one up, though!

I don't get a ton of opportunities to entertain, but when I do, I like to be ready!  I've barely had more than a minute or two to glance through this book, but there was a page that stood out and I just can't wait to have my very own Luxury Guacamole Party.  Frans and I are trying to plan a weekend get together with friends down at his ranch in October, and I think that would be the perfect time to pull this off.

One of my favorite things about this book is how he lays out ideas for parties.  Not only does he suggest a menu, but he also provides a game plan for getting ready, all the recipes you need (drinks included) as well as playlist ideas.  Love.  It.  I really enjoy a good, simple guacamole (avocados, cilantro, red onion, lime and salt- thankyouverymuch).  But the thought of serving it in terra cotta pots, and adding "embellishments" like pumpkin seeds, crispy bacon, and pickled jalapenos just makes my heart pound.  Can't wait to try out some of these recipes!

Ray LaMontagne

Happy Monday to me!  I had such a great weekend, and there is lots to write about.  Unfortunately I have a ton of work to get done, so a longer post will just have to happen later.  All I can say is that I happen to have quite possible the sweetest boyfriend around, and he surprised me on Friday with tickets to see an upcoming Ray LaMontagne show in November.  I (not so subtly) sent him a text early last week saying he would be coming through Austin.  Thankfully Frans can pick up on such hints and got tickets as soon as he could.  I'm so excited!!!  We listen to him a lot when we're hanging out around the house, and this song in particular always makes me think about Frans.